Top 10 Reasons Why Marvel's "The Eternals" Is a Completely Forgettable Movie, Spoiler-Free

Tags: #Marvel ,   #AngelinaJolie ,   #MarvelCinematicUniverse ,   #Eternals ,   #Superhero

Peony Hill

Peony Hill

Last updated:  2022-11-23 18:00:11

Undoubtedly, "The Eternals" is a big, ambitious project from Marvel Studios. Unfortunately, it was too ambitious for its own good. This over-two-hour-long movie follows ten main characters - yes, you've read that right, ten main characters. The lineup includes Serci (Gemma Chan), Ikaris (Richard Madden), Sprite (Lia McHugh), Kingo (Kumail Nanjiani), Ajak (Salma Hayek), Thena (Angelina Jolie), Gilgamesh (Don Lee), Phastos (Brian Tyree Henry), Druig (Barry Keoghan), and Makkari (Lauren Ridloff). Yet, while the scenography is also decent, there's so much wrong with it, as we reveal on our top ten list.

10. Not Enough Angelina Jolie

Should've been more present

How can something with Angelina Jolie be forgettable, you might ask? The explanation is simple - she was barely present! While they focused on some other characters, Thena absolutely stole the show. That's because Jolie's award-winning acting experience is so evident here. While the movie struggled to juggle ten different characters, Thena caught everyone's eye.

Firstly, she had some of the best fighting sequences, although it shouldn't be the case on paper. Her power is only to conjure different weapons, while others had laser eyes or the ability to change matter. Yet, she still managed to stick out. Then, she showed incredible emotional range. While all characters fight with their own demons, it comes off like Thena is the only one whose pain we can clearly see.

9. Too Many Characters

Why are there so many?

There are so many people, so who can even remember them all? Why would any sane person make a movie with ten (10) main characters that hadn't had their own movies? It's complete insanity! Most people needed half an hour to even pick up who they were. Hence, there was no emotional weight behind it when the first death happened since we barely knew the person.

Actually, all death scenes were hardly compelling. Even if the audience got attached to the character, we had no time for their death to sink in. Instead, we had to keep up with new ones or move on immediately. In the end, no one had enough time to show any character development. Scratch that, they didn't have time to display any deeper character traits at all, despite the movie being over two hours long.

8. The World Didn't Need To Be in Danger

We have seen enough apocalypses

This is an experience in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Therefore, no one will believe the world in which Doctor Strange exists will end. As if they would simply kill Spider-Man off-screen. Consequently, there is no suspension of disbelief present, which immediately means we don't care about the plot-driven action. If that's the case, you're making script writing harder than it needs to be.

The reasonable conclusion would be to make the dynamic between the characters the center point. While they might have tried to do that, we wouldn't know since it's hard to focus on the interpersonal conflict with ten main characters. We might have cared about the 5,000 year-long romance… if we got to see anything romantic. 

7. No Romantic Tension in the Romantic Parts

If you're going to put romance in your movie, you should actually make it work

There were not one, not two, not three, but four couples in the movie. And that's only counting the people canonically together. Honestly, the individuals who weren't meant to have romantic tension had it more than the actual couples. At this point, it's impressive that they even managed to make it this bad. If you ever made eye contact with a stranger in a grocery store, there was more tension there than in this entire movie. 

Basically, they set up a foundation for a love triangle, only to ignore it. And while we're pretty tired of the standard love triangles in the media, this was the only one that sounded even remotely enticing… and it didn't happen. An immortal decided to move on from a 5,000 year-long relationship. Then they fell in love with a mortal, only for her ex to show up again. And they didn't even do anything about it.

6. Failed Existential Crisis

It's not that hard to make people question their existence, keep up guys

The movie's whole point is to question what it truly means to be a human. Is humanity worth saving? And who are we, as individuals, to question that? It sounds like something that will leave you reeling for days on paper. In reality, it's all surface-leveled, and the only way the questions will hit you is if you've never had an existential crisis.

These questions are excellent for it, yet they fell completely flat. You can find better existential crisis material in Six of Crows than in the entirety of the movie. It even touches on if violence and greed are a necessary part of humanity for everything to be worse.

5. It Has Fresh Team Dynamics… Except It Doesn't

We are on our knees, please do something with this movie

We are used to seeing group leaders be the strongest members. Here, the one in charge was a healer. Hence, the implications of that type of team dynamics would be interesting to explore - if only they existed. Thus, to call anything between the lead characters "dynamics" would be generous. It's all as bland as eating plain bread for lunch.

One would think following a healer into a centuries-long mission would lead to a generally more peaceful group. Well, they might have been if they had the chance to develop. Traces of striving for peace can be seen in some characters, although it all falls flat when others act as if it's a standard setup. It's a beyond frustrating viewing experience.

4. Blatantly Ignores Compelling Story Points

Why would you do this to us?

One of the big questions presented in this movie is who truly is the bad guy. It's constantly going back and forth and desperately trying to build tension in that way. The writers had a good idea, but they would need people to actually be invested in the story to truly achieve it. An excellent way to make the audience lose interest is to ignore everything you're trying to set up.

If you want people to reframe the way they think to convince the audience that the threats we feared weren't threats in the first place, maybe focus on that point. Instead, all this movie does is shove anything interesting and thought-worthy under the rug. Oh, you thought that encounter with that big, bad monster was setting up something? Nope! Fooled you, we're focusing on other things now.

3. How Is This Even a Marvel Movie?

It's like watching "The Justice League"

At this point, Marvel movies are notorious for having quirky one-liners thrown into the mix. While wanting to step away from that style isn't bad, you need to actually do it for it to be praiseworthy. This movie is torn between making a solemn experience that delves into what being human truly is and a Guardians-of-the-Galaxy-style comedy. Yet, it fails at both.

Besides, it's not like quirky Marvel movies don't have hard-hitting moments. No one is weeping while watching "Thor: Ragnarok," but it does have some emotional moments. There isn't anything wrong with bringing existentialism into an action-packed superhero movie, but it needs to be done right. "WandaVision" manages to do all of this while still in tune with other movies and shows. Plus, it appealing to everyone.

2. Seriously, Why Wasn't the Team Cut in Half?

There were far too many people there

Again, there are too many characters. We can and will repeat it over and over again. But what exactly is the point of having one character with laser eyes and the other with laser fingers? That's just bad writing, babes! Why is Kingo even there? Or, better question, why weren't we focusing on Kingo, Karun, Gilgamesh, and Thena? They were more fun than everyone else together.

And while Karun is mortal, his dynamic with the rest of the crew would've been interesting to see. Or to explore how Sersi's love interest fits in with everyone. While it's cool to witness everyone's unique powers, we don't actually get time to see them. Just drop some storylines since some aren't even that interesting and let us enjoy some cool characters.

1. Is This All of the Diversity We Get From Disney?

Do better, Disney

There's a first gay kiss between main characters in a Marvel movie! That's some exciting news, and while it's a little bit late, it still exists. Only, it's hard to get excited when only one of those characters is a "main character," and even that's debatable. It's nice and refreshing to see characters be just casually gay. Still, so much of Phastos' storyline is skimmed over that he may as well be a side character.

Plus, there's a deaf speedster! Not only that, but the character in the comics was a white man, so by casting Lauren Ridloff, we diversify the cast further. But still, she is basically a background character. Sersi, the character we focus on the most, is Asian, at least. But to see a cast so diverse in a movie so dull is… disheartening, to say the least.

We didn't even get to complain about some other story points in our top ten list! We couldn't even indicate how much the movie suffers from having ten main characters that haven't appeared on-screen previously. Each of them had a compelling storyline, but it didn't have a chance to get thoroughly explored.

Did you still like "The Eternals"? Who were some of your favorite characters?


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